The Journal Entries of a Pink Haired Idiot
by Sutenki
Summary: This journal belongs to Fai-chan the great. Viewer discretion is advised. Attempted crack.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:  ****After not being active on fanfiction for almost a year, I have finally decided to start posting again. I guess this is basically a rewrite (for any of my old readers) of "Of Hunters and Unicorns". I have also changed my username from Zuta-Chan to this long-ass thing I have now. Happy reading!**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own HxH. If I did, no one would read it. Fai is mine though. Writing style inspired by Juliedoo's "Slow Increments". **

**Warning:**** OOC-ness, attempted crack, swearing and an over abundance of unicorns.**

* * *

This journal belongs to Fai-chan the great.

Viewer discretion is advised.

* * *

Entry One: 

Dear journal,

Brother got me this lovely unicorn journal today ("because diaries are for sissies", he said). Told me to write stuff down since I apparently have 'the worst memory in the world'. Was kind of offended, but got over it quickly since the unicorn on the cover had a really nice looking _sparkly_ horn.

Entry Two: 

Dear journal,

I didn't really do anything today. Indulged myself with cakes tho. Brother said I was getting fat and should go out and get some exercise. I threw a brick at him.

Entry Three:

Dear journal,

I signed up for the hunter exam today and they finally accepted after five long years of rejection. Was so happy that I broke the window ( as well as many other shatterable objects) while doing my (slightly) hyper happy dance around the house. Blamed it on the neighbor's dog. Don't think brother believed me tho.

Entry Four: 

Dear journal,

Leaving for the hunter exam in two days, brother is packing all my stuff for me in this really nice looking unicorn backpack. Went and got me a matching unicorn outfit with a really nice looking unicorn horn on the hood of the hoodie too.

Entry Five:

Dear journal,

Brother is being all mother hen on me today. Heard him say something along the lines of "they grow up so fast" while shedding a rather large pool of sparkly tears. Sent shivers down my spine.

Entry Six: 

Dear journal,

Left for the hunter exam today. Brother made it difficult to leave the house. Was hugging my leg and bawling his eyes out as I dragged him around the floor trying to shake him off. Finally relented after three hours and ruffled my hair telling me to avoid taking candy from strangers before abruptly shoving me out the door. Slammed the door in my face too. Currently on a rather ancient looking boat headed to a place called Dolle Harbor.

Entry Seven:

Dear journal,

The boat is carrying many creepy old people. Most of them had huge muscles and were very hairy. Met a very nice boy with sunglasses and red curly hair tho. Turn's out everyone on this boat is headed towards the hunter exam center.

Entry Eight: 

Dear journal,

Whoops. The curly red-head with sunglasses was actually a girl named Siper. Whoopies.

Entry Nine:

Dear journal,

The boat crashed on a random island in the middle of the ocean. Am kinda pissed. Found a few row-boats on the other side of the island though. Came with maps and directions to the exam site and everything. Decided to team up with Siper for the time being.

Entry Ten:

Dear journal,

Found the exam site. Siper ditched me halfway there. Never talking to her again. Was wandering around asking strangers for directions (there was a lot of hand gestures and map pointing). Too bad _I _had the map that was found on the boat when she ditched me (good for me). Don't think she'll ever find the exam site now! Bwahahahaha.

Entry Eleven:

Dear journal,

Exam site was a place called "Greasy Spoon". The couple that owned the shop seemed kind of weird-ish. I kept asking about the hunter exam and they kept staring at me like they wanted to strangle me to death. Siper showed up (how the hell did she find this place without the map) and apparently, there was a secret code thingy to enter the exam site. It was written on the back of the map from the boat. Something about steak being cooked under low flame (weird).

Entry Twelve: 

Dear journal,

The room with a table full of food turned out to be a secret elevator to the underground exam place. Ate a lot of food. Too full to even think right now.

Entry Thirteen:

Dear journal,

Meet Tonpa the fat guy with the box nose. Really nice guy. Tried to offer me orange juice tho (I hate orange juice). First person to join my "Unicorns Are Awesome" club. Think I might have traumatized him a bit. Teehee.

Entry Fourteen:

Dear journal,

A shiny green bean came up to me and almost gave me a stroke. It was only after he gave me a round card with the number 81 did I realize that the shiny green bean was actually a fat man.

Entry Fifteen:

Dear journal,

I have decided to rename you Bob-chan.

Entry Sixteen:

Dear Bob-chan,

This hunter exam is getting on my nerves. It was very boring and all we did so far was waiting for more people to show up.

Entry Seventeen: 

Dear Bob-chan,

I decided to start recruiting more members to my "Unicorns Are Awesome" club. So far two people passed my eyeball scanning test. A clown with red hair and a really short old man with nice fluffy white hair.

Entry Eighteen:

Dear Bob-chan,

I asked clown-chan to join my awesome unicorn club. He smiled at me creepily before walking away. I think he might be a pedophile.

Entry Nineteen:

Dear Bob-chan,

Never gonna recruit via eyeball scanning again! Turns out the old man with the fluffy white hair was actually a boy named Killua. He was the rudest thing in the world! Said I looked like an eight year old! That basically implies that I am so effing short that I would drown before realizing that it was raining! LIKE, HOW DARE HE! I'M GONNA RAM MY SPARKLY UNICORN HORN ON MY HOODIE UP HIS ASS FOR SAYING THAT! And what kind of name was Killua anyway? Its basically like, Kill-you-all. Foreshadowing much?

Entry Twenty:

Dear Bob-chan,

I'm hungry. Time to find food~!

* * *

**A/N:**

**I'm just gonna explain things a bit in terms of the layout so no one is confused. The entries are not based on days (hxh world days). Several entries may be from the same day,**** that is why there are no dates on any of them. There may be hours difference or even minutes difference between the entries. It just makes it easier for me as a writer to organize stuff. Also, Fai is a rather sporatic person. She writes in her journal whenever she wants and however she wants.**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Review? Follow? Fave?**

**Thanks :)**


	2. I am awesome!

**YO GUYS I'M BAC- /bitch slapped**

**Hahaha... I have no excuse. Well, techincally I do... school has been kicking my poor little ass to the moon. **

**... but I've mostly been a lazy bum and just decided to stalk people for half a year... and now it's January again! **

**Yay!**

**Btw, that reminds me... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!**

**hahaha...**

**Let this be kind of a new year's gift to you...**

**Btw, a warning to all u kiddies reading this: there's a lot of swearing...**

**And uh, please read the author's note at the bottom.**

* * *

''Oh my god. Why is there a human sized green bean? OMFG it's shiny! Oh my god Killua! It has eyes! HOLY SHIT! IT'S LOOKING AT ME! SHIT! KILLUA IT'S LOOKING AT ME! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! IT'S WALKING TOWARDS ME! KILLUA!''

''...I don't know this girl''

''OMFG! IT'S GONNA BITE MY SPARKLY UNICORN HORN OFF! NOOOOOOOO! THEN IT'S GONNA EAT US ALL! SAVE ME KILLUA!''

''OI! Get off! Don't cling!''

''WAHHHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!''

''O-oi! Stop clinging to me! You're getting snot all over my shirt!''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Yo fatty do you have any food''

''Hey, who are you calling fatty?!''

''You of course Tompa. Who else?''

''... listen here little girl, why don't you bother someone your own age huh? See that white haired kid over there? Go ask him.''

''Oh, you mean Killua? He doesn't have any food. He's poor.''

''...''

''Hey wait a minute! Did you just call me a _LITTLE_ girl?! Huh?! Did you?! YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?! ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M SHORT?! YES YOU ARE! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU BITCH!''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Oi Killua.''

''...''

''Hey Killua~''

''...''

''Killua~''

''...''

''Killua~~''

''What the _hell_ do you want?''

''Awww, don't be mean. Now I forgot what I was gonna say.''

''Tch.''

''...''

''...''

''Killua!''

''_What?_''

''I just realized something! The green bean man can't eat us! It's a bean! And people eat beans! Hahahahaha!''

''...''

''You know what this means? Huh? Huh? Do you Killua?''

''_What?_''

''He's a bean! That means we can eat him! Let's go eat him Killua!''

''WHAT THE FU-''

''!''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Thank you so much Mr. Beanie! You're the nicest person I've met so far today! Look Killua! Look at what Mr. Beanie gave me! It's my hunter examinee number card!''

''... two minutes ago, you were about to eat him.''

''What? What are you talking about Killua? Pshhhhh..Thats all in the past. By the the way, what number did you get huh? I got number 111! Pretty cool right?''

''I got 99.''

''Wow, wow. Niceeeeeee.''

''Oi, its just a number card. No need to get into my personal space.''

''Hmmmmm ... wow...''

''Tch. Get out of my face!''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Yo Killua. Join my Unicorn club!''

''No.''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Hey you! Wassup? Are you newbies? Cause I'm a newbie! I'm Fai! What are your names?''

''Hi! I'm Gon!''

''Kurapika''

''Leorio''

''Wow, wow. Your names are so weird...But whatever! Do you wanna join my Unicorn club? Huh? Huh? Then we can all be BFFFFFFFFFFFFs forever!''

''Okay!''

''uh...''

''No thanks.''

''What? Whyyyy? Don't you wanna be BFFFFFFFFFFFFs forever with me? Fine, whatever. Old people are no fun. Well... at least I got Gon in my Unicorn club now!''

''Hehe''

''...''

''Oi! Who are you calling old?!''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Hey bald ninja guy!''

''Who me?''

''Yeah! Dude, your eyebrows are epic!''

''Uh... thanks i guess?''

''Yo, do you know who you look like?''

''Uh...''

''You look like Saitama-sensei! You do! You really do!''

''...okay?''

''Hey, are you awesome at fighting like Saitama? Are you? I bet you are! OMFG! I just got the bestest idea! Do you wanna be _my_ sensei? OMFG that'll be so cooooool! Then I'll have a sensei that looks like Saitama! OMFG my bro will be so jealous!''

''...''

''By the way, do you wanna join my unicorn club?''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Wow... the examiner looks soooo weird.''

''...''

''Right Killua? Right? I mean, look at him! His mustache is purple!''

''... Your hair is pink''

''So? Whats wrong with pink hair huh? Huh? Huh? I swear its not dyed! It's not! I was born with pink hair! I was!''

''No need to get so defensive.''

''...''

''...''

''...''

''...''

''...''

''Okay, stop.''

''Yay! I win!''

''Tch.''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''Whyyyyyyyyyy''

''...''

''Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Do we have to ruuuuuuun? We've been running for hours alreaddddddyyyy.''

''...''

''Killua, I'm tired. Carry me''

''No.''

''Finnnnnneeeeee''

''...''

''...''

''Examiner-chan, can you please give me a piggy back ride?''

(￣ε(#￣) ╰╮o(￣皿￣/)

''...Fai-what are you writing?''

''It's my journal of doom!''

''What?''

''Hey! Don't look! It's private! Dude! Give it back! Killua!''

* * *

**So uh... that was actually kinda short. **

**I apologize for the weirdness... I just write down whatever my brain shits out.**

**Just watch... the author's note is gonna turn out longer than my actual chapter... sigh.**

**Anyways, Thanks for reading this chapter...**

**I called you all down here because I need you people's opinion on something...**

**So, uh, basically, I've been planning to write another hxh story (I've been planning to write this ever since 2013, but alas, I never was motivated enough). I'm planning to write a reincarnated into the hxh world as Shizuku (from the phantom troupe and don't worry, Imma gonna try to make it funny)... and I'm gonna try to make it an actual story (not one of those crack fics i'm so used to writing). I was wondering what you guys think of this idea... and what perspective you would like to see it in (first person, third person... or a bit of both?).**

**Thank you so so much for reading this chapter (and my longass authors note)!**

**Don't worry, I'm not gonna abandon this crackfic!**

**See you in the next chapter!**

**P.S. OPM reference guys! (ಥ_ಥ)**


	3. chapter 3

**A/N: ****Lol, hey guys. Its been quite a while hasn't it? I mean, the last time I updated was what, 2015? That was two years ago. Damn, does time go by fast. I actually had the intro of this chapter written for quite a while, but I could never really find the interest to continue it.**

**I feel Like my writing style has changed drastically the past few years, but I'm gonna try to keep it the same as the previous chapters so it doesn't seem weird when you guys read it.**

**Idk if any of you old readers remember me lol. I'd appreciate it if you've read this story in the past and let me know in the comments. Thanks!**

**Anyways, I've decided to try to finish this fanfic cause I've said before that I would never abandon it… Even if this takes ten years Imma still gonna try my best to make it til the end. **

**I hope my sense of humor is still here, but idk, thanks for reading!**

**Recap from last chapter: Killua stole Fai's journal during the first phase of the exam.**

* * *

_-Entry 21:-_

_-Hey, wassup,-_

_-Killua was here.-_

_-Peace (◍•̅ ȷ̫ •̅◍)-_

* * *

Entry 21:

BOB-CHAN!

IT'S ALL MY FAULT! BLAME IT ALL ON ME! No wait… BLAME IT ALL ON KILLUA!  
IT'S ALL HIS FAULT FOR RUINING YOUR CRISPY PAGES WITH HIS UGLY WRITING!  
I'M SO SORRY BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY WHITE-OUT SO THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS CROSS IT OUT.  
I'M SORRY BOB-CHAN.  
I WILL MAKE HIM PAY ME- I MEAN YOU BACK I SWEAR!

Sincerely,

Your momma, Fai-chan.

* * *

"Saitama Sensei, can you beat someone up for me?"

"Uh…"

"That white haired kid over there. Do you see him? That's the one! And please don't go easy on him! He is a little piece of sh*t!"

"Uh…"

"…"

"…"

"…I'll give you candy."

"Uh… how 'bout no"

"How 'bout yes"

"Uh… bye."

"Wha- Sensei, wait for me! Hey, wait up!"

* * *

"GON!"

"Oh- hey Fai-chan!"

"GON! GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!"

"?"

"THAT RUDE WHITE THING!"

"… are you talking about me?"

"Ehhhhhhhh? Fai-chan? Are you talking about Killua?"

*Whisper's loudly* "Gonnnnnnnn! Don't be friends with that guy!"

"Wha- Why Fai-chan? What's wrong with Killua?"

"Because… because… because he is super old and is a meanie!"

"What? But he's the same age as me."

"No, Gon. You are too naïve! He's lying to you! Just look at his white hair. Only old people have hair like that okei? He's just a really short old man! He even needs a skateboard to carry him cause he's so old!"

"…but… he looks young though."

"That because… he probably did plastic surgery! Ya! That's why! That's even more of a reason not to be his friend! Who knows what else he has done!"

"… but Fai-chan…"

"shuuuush, Gon listen to me. I knows this okei? Trust me, he is an old man."

"…You know I heard everything you just said."

"Ah-! Killua! I'm sure Fai-chan didn't mean it!"

"… SEE GON, SEEEEEE? HE HEARD US CAUSE HE HAS HEARING AIDS! HE IS AN OLD MAN AFTER ALL!"

* * *

"How old are you Fai-chan?"

"Huh? Can't you tell? I'm almost 34!"

"Really?!"

"Okei, fine. I was joking. I'm actually 11."

"AH~! We're all the same age!"

"No we're not! Killua is a lot older than everyone 'cause he has white hair!"

"… even older than Leorio?"

"En! Leorio-chan is very young!"

"WTF- That old geezer is considered young?! Are you blind?!"

"Why you little- I'm not that old! I'm from the same generation as you!"

"Whatttttttt?! Leorio-chan, you're 11 too?! I thought you would be at least 15?!"

"…"

"…"

"Fai-chan, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"…"

"KILLUA! YOU WHITE PIECE OF SH*T! I'M NOT BLIND!"

* * *

"Fai-Chan? Why did you stop?"

"BECAUSE MY WROST ENEMY IS HERE!"

"Who? I don't see nobody."

"IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! THIS EVIL, UGLY, MINION OF-"

"Are you talking about the stairs?"

"WHAT ELSE WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT, HUH? I HATE CLIMBING STAIRS! I AIN'T GONNA CLIMB THIS THING!"

"Pfttttt~! So are you gonna give up now~? Wow I've never meet anyone as weird as you. You ran more than 80km but won't continue cause of stairs."

"SAYS WHO I'M NOT GONNA CONTINUE?"

"You said you're not climbing this thing."

"HMPH! I'll show you! I don't hafta touch this thing to continue! SPARKLY UNICORN MAGICAL GIRL! TRANSFORM!"

"…"

"…"

"… Did her backpack just sprout wings?"

"And the old geezer thought _I_ was cheating."

* * *

"Ohhh~ We're in the front now. Wow this hunter exam is easier than I thought!"

"Fai-chan, you have wings."

"So? So? So? Killua has a skateboard. Exactly. So your argument is invalid."

"…"

"Oh look~! I see that light at the end of the tunnel! I wonder if that's where heaven is!"

"Fai-chan, we're not dead."

"Oh yeahhhhhh~"

* * *

**A/N: Okei guys, that the end of this chapter! I hope you enjoyed! Hopefully the next chapter will come soon hehe. **

**I don't really have anything planned out and I'm basically writing whatever comes to mind with this story. If you guys have any ideas or have anything you would like to see Fai do, just comment below!**

**Don't forget to Review, Fave, and Follow!**

**Thanks guys!**


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